Friday, October 20, 2017

Funny Audition


Sunday, August 20, 2017

The fight

Tom called the police helpline and said, "Hey! I am in urgent need of help."
The attendant asked, "Calm down and tell me what happened."
Tom replied, "There's a fight between two women. It's concerning me."
The attendant asked, "So what is the crisis?"
Tom replied, "The ugly one is taking the lead!"

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

The shoe salesman

The shoe salesman said to the difficult customer, "Madam, I have shown you all the pairs of shoes that are on display in this store but you don't seem to like anything. What is it that you are looking for?"

The lady, ignoring the salesman's question, pointed out to a box and said, "What is there in that box? You have not shown it to me yet."

The salesman replies, "Madam, please have mercy on me. That is my lunch box."

Monday, May 22, 2017

No Action


Martha came home and said to her husband, "Bill, I am sorry but the gynac said we cannot make love for the next 6 weeks."

Bill looked up from the newspaper he was reading and asked, "Uh...ok...and what did the dentist have to say?"


Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Different positions

After being promised that she will make him experiment with different positions, Juan immediately proposed to Tina. 

Now, Juan is her hubby, her maid, her laundry guy, her cook and her electrician!

Monday, March 27, 2017

What do you want?

A man walked into a store.

The store owner asked him, "What do you want, Sir?'

The man replied, "I need optimism, toughness, the will to fight the evils of the world, the power to confront injustices."

The store owner replied, "Here you are sir, a bottle of premium whisky, and some chips to go with it."

Friday, March 24, 2017

Santa's interview

Santa Singh decided to appear for an interview at the Railways for the position of a guard.

The interviewer asked him, "What will you do if you see 2 trains approaching each other on the same track?"

Santa Singh replied, "I will signal with a red flag."

The interviewer asked, "What if you can't find the flag?"

Santa Singh replied, "I will signal with a torch."

The interviewer asked, "What if you can't find the torch?"

Santa Singh replied, "I will signal with my red jacket."

The interviewer asked, "What if you are not wearing a red jacket on that day?"

Santa Singh replied, "Then I will ask my son to rush to the station?"

The interviewer asked, "Why would you do that??"

Santa Singh replied, "He has never seen two trains collide."

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Redemption

Albert prayed to God, "Oh Almighty! I have sinned. I want redemption. Please give me sorrow & pain, give me troubles, let me be haunted by spirits."

God boomed, "Cut it short, mate. Why don't you just say you want a wife!"

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Boyfriend's birthday

Rita to Tina, "It's my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow."

Tina, "Cool. What are you giving him?"

Rita, "I was about to ask you that. What should I give him?"

Tina, "Is he rich?"

Rita, "Yes, he is."

Tina, "Then give him my number!"

Monday, March 20, 2017

Weird dreams

Santa Singh said the the psychiatrist, "I get these weird dreams where I see kangaroos playing soccer."

The psychiatrist said, "Do not worry. I will prescribe you a few medicines. Just have them before going to bed."

Santa Singh said, "Ok, I will start taking the medicines from Sunday."

The psychiatrist asked, "Why not start today?"

Santa Singh replied, "Oh, the finals are on Saturday."

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Helpless

A drunk man fell on the road. Looking at his condition, Pandu, the policeman on duty commented, "Why do you drink so much?"

The drunk man replied, "Sir, I was helpless."

Pandu glared at him and said, "Oh really? And how is that?"

The drunk dude replied, "I had lost the cap of the bottle!"

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

How to check your weight

Leela saw her husband Arun step on the weighing machine, and she noticed he was trying to pull in his tummy.

She commented, "You know that's not going to do you any good."

Arun replied, "If course I need to do it. How else do you think I will be able to see the digits below?" 

Friday, August 26, 2016

A different kind of motivation

A successful entrepreneur won a business award in the IT field and was asked by a reporter as to how he managed to motivate his workers to come to office on time.

The entrepreneur replied, "Oh, that' easy. I have 45 people working for me but only 44 parking lots without pay. I charge for the last lot. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Ten times

Peter said to his wife Claudia, "You will not believe what happened today! I bought an old lamp at the junkyard sale and guess what? I rubbed it and out came a genie!"

Claudia said excitedly, "Really?? Did you ask for anything?"

Peter replied, "Yes i did. I asked for your intelligence to be enhanced ten times."

Claudia said, "Oh! That's so sweet of you."

Peter retorted, "Yeah, but I forgot anything multiplied by zero remains zero."