Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Marrying Grandma

Little Tommy says to his father, "Daddy, I want to get married soon."

His father asked, "Why is that?"

Little Tommy replied, "I don't know but I want to get married. If you don't find a bride for me, I will marry grandma."

His father was amused and asked, "But why will you marry my mother?"

Little Tommy replied, "If you married my mother, why can't I marry yours?"

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Open a book

Tom, while scolding his son, said, "Why don't I ever see you study? Never seen you open a book."

The teen replied, "I do open a book every day."

Tom asked, "And which one is that??"

The teen said, "Facebook!"

Monday, March 5, 2018

All about birds

Miss Monica, the English teacher asked the little Tom, "Do you know all about birds?"

Little Tom replied, "Yes, madam. I do."

Miss Monica asked, "Tell me which bird cannot fly."

Little Tom replied, "A dead one!"

Friday, March 2, 2018

One sided love

Billy said to his friend, "What is your view on one-sided love?"

Joey says, "I think I would prefer it over both-sided love. When love is on both sides, sometimes it culminates into marriage!" 

Monday, February 26, 2018

Seeing the doc

Alex went to see Dr. Jones and sneezed the moment he walked in the doc's cabin.

The doctor asked, "Flu?"

Alex said, "No, I took a bus."

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

The honeymoon offer

Elena went to see a travel agent and asked him, "Do you have any cheap honeymoon offers?"

The travel agent replied, "Of course, we have. 3 nights and 4 days in Zurich only for $1500 only."

Elena asked, "Anything cheaper than that?"

The travel agent said, "3 nights & 4 days in Bangkok for $1000 only."

Elena further asked, "Anything cheaper than that?"

The travel agent said, "2 nights & 3 days in Malaga for $750."

Elena, still not happy with the price, asked, "Anything cheaper?"

The travel agent replied, "Yes. 9 nights and 10 days in Paris, London and Rome. You will be booked in the honeymoon suite of the best 5 star hotels.Food, hotel stay, all travel expenses and sight seeing will be free."

Elena was excited and exclaimed, "Wow! What a super offer! What's the catch?"

The travel agent smiled and replied, "The husband will be provided by us!"

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Meaning to my life

Ronald sent an SMS to his wife Martha, "I want to thank you today for making my life so beautiful and filling it with vivid colours. Whatever, I have achieved in life today is all because of your support. You give meaning to my life and make it worth living. You are the guiding force that keeps me going."

Martha texted back, "Is this the fifth or the sixth peg? If you are done with your drinking, please come home. Don't worry, I will not scream at you."

Ronald texted again, "I am standing outside. Please open the door."

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Let the lady go!

Bob the thief had been eyeing the Evans mansion for quite some time. One day, he broke into the mansion and found a man and a woman inside. He tied up the lady and pointing a gun, hissed to the guy, "Take me to the electronic safe..NOW!"

The guy started crying and said to Bob, "Take what you want but please let the lady go. She is my neighbour's wife! Mine will walk into the house any time!"

Monday, February 12, 2018

No interest

Betty sued a medical center alleging that her husband showed on interest in her after having surgery at the clinic.

The owner of the medical center appeared in court and said, "I run an eye clinic. All I did was operate him for cataract!"

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Happy neighbor

The inspector asked Jerry, "Your neighbor's wife is missing. So why have you come to file a missing person's complaint? Did you have an affair with her?"

Jerry replied, "No sir, I never had any affair with her. It's just that I am not able to stand my neighbor's happiness! It's been 4 days since his wife is missing, and he has been partying every night!"

Friday, February 2, 2018

Husband's occupation

Sally met her niece Ana after a number of years.
Sally asked, "Did you marry?"
Ana replied, "Yes I did."
Sally asked, "What does your husband do?"
Ana replied, "He regrets!"

Monday, December 25, 2017

No Satisfaction

Judge Simons looked at the couple and asked, "Mr. Warner, why are you filing for separation from your wife?"

Mr. Warner replied, "Because I don't get satisfaction with her."

Judge Simons then asked the lady, "Mrs. Warner, do you want to say something about this?"

Mrs. Warner barked, "The entire locality gets satisfaction! Only this idiot has a problem."

Sunday, August 20, 2017

The fight

Tom called the police helpline and said, "Hey! I am in urgent need of help."
The attendant asked, "Calm down and tell me what happened."
Tom replied, "There's a fight between two women. It's concerning me."
The attendant asked, "So what is the crisis?"
Tom replied, "The ugly one is taking the lead!"

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

The shoe salesman

The shoe salesman said to the difficult customer, "Madam, I have shown you all the pairs of shoes that are on display in this store but you don't seem to like anything. What is it that you are looking for?"

The lady, ignoring the salesman's question, pointed out to a box and said, "What is there in that box? You have not shown it to me yet."

The salesman replies, "Madam, please have mercy on me. That is my lunch box."