Thursday, January 20, 2011

Funny jokes-My stupid brother

My Stupid Brother

I wouldn't say my brother is stupid, but.......

...He keeps forgetting I'm an only child!

...He's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

...He puts a bucket under the pipe when there's a gas leak.

...He has an intellect that is rivaled only by Egg plants.

...We have to make introductions around the breakfast table every morning.

...He stayed up all last night studying for his blood test.

...He sure makes my dog look smart!

...He studied all weekend for a urine test.

...He can't convert 0 feet to meters.

...He was supposed to try out for a part in Dumb and Dumber but forgot to turn up.

...He still checks the inside of his hands to see if "it" really will cause hair to grow!!

...He keeps forgetting he's my sister

...When my parents said they'd send him abroad, he asked how old she was

...But he had a battle of wits with a doorknob and lost.

...But he looked hard at the orange juice container because it said concentrate

...He forgotten that he's been dead for the last five years

...He got drunk, walked into the wall four times and said "Hey, I'm bricked in!"

...He stole a free cookie!

...He couldn't count his testicles and come up with the same number twice!

...He thinks a Toadstool is a well endowed frog

...When he got on the bus, he asked for a return. When the driver asked him
"Where to?" He replied "Back here!"

...It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"

...After joining the I.R.A. and being told to blow up a bus, he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe

...He saw a sign that said "wet floor"... so he did.

...When mum said to take butter out from the fridge, he took the butter outdoors!

...He thinks Sherlock Holmes is a block of flats

...In his first airplane travel was astonished to see he was not becoming smaller in size

...I've seen bread dough with more intelligence.

...When they tested his I.Q., the score began with Minus.

...When they were handing out brains, he couldn't even find the line.

...But if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.

...He thinks a woman with crabs is a seafood delicacy.

...If he had one more IQ he'd be a pot plant.

...He had just learned to count to 21 when he got arrested for indecent exposure.

...Last night, when I turned of the lights he wrote a letter to God, asking him why he didn't pay his electric bill.

...He has to pull down his pants to count to 11

...He couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel

...But then, I'm a blonde

...But I would give him a dollar for every thought he had, and still have from five dollars.

...He's trying to teach "sit up & beg" to his pet rock?