Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Really funny jokes-Malfunctioning airplane

You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Judge: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.

Economist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.

Statistician: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

IRS auditor: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Manager: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts.

Consultant: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn how to fix a plane.

Salesperson: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

Teacher: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Comparative Literature major: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.

Dramatist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Modern Painter: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.