19 Adult jokes which are really funny and short

Following are 19 adult jokes which are really funny and short to make you laugh!


1. The proposal 

After being proposed in a formal way, Cindy said to Harry, "I had no idea you liked me. I must admit I

was surprised by your proposal."

Harry, replied, "The way you were sucking on your popsicle, it was love at first sight for me."

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2. Insurance covers everything

Harvey never liked Shaun who used to live next door. The reason was that Shaun was an insurance agent.

On a Sunday, Harvey saw Shaun mowing the lawn and decided to make fun of him. He said, "Hey there

Shaun, would your company have an insurance cover for my d*ck?"

Shaun replied, "Yes, of course. We can cover your rod."

Harvey asked, "Great! How do you substitute a dead rod - with a fresh one?"

Shaun shot back, "Nope. When yours is no longer functional, we provide complimentary service to your

missus for as long as she lives."

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3. Nosediving plane

Bubba & Joejoe were in a plane which had developed engine problem and was hopelessly nosediving.

Joejoe grabbed one chute out of the two available and shouted, "Bubba, take the other one and dive!"

Bubba said, "What 'bout the air-hostess?"

Joejoe screamed back, "Scr*w the air-hostess!"

Bubba said, "You sure? You think I have enuff time for dat?"

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4. No satisfaction

Judge Simons looked at the couple and asked, "Mr. Warner, why are you filing for separation from your

wife?"

Mr. Warner replied, "Because I don't get satisfaction with her."

Judge Simons then asked the lady, "Mrs. Warner, do you want to say something about this?"

Mrs. Warner barked, "The entire locality gets satisfaction! Only this idiot has a problem."



5. Funeral service

At the funeral service, Mrs. Gomez was told that the her husband had died with an erection which was

preventing the coffin door from closing. Enraged, Mrs. Gomez instructed, "Cut it and shove it up his

arse. It is the only backside in the whole town where it has not entered!"

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6. I don't care

The good doctor said to old Mr. Simons, "You are almost 83 years old. Let me warn you that making love

to a young girl at your age could be life-threatening."

Mr. Simons, without batting an eyelid, replied, "I don't care. If she has to die, she will die!"

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7. Family planning

Svenson goes to his family doctor and says, "My wife gets pregnant every year. I already have 6

children. What should I do?"

The family doctor says, "Use a condom."

Svenson says, "But I am already doing that!"

The family doctor smiles and replies, "From what I hear about your wife, you need the distribute the

condoms in your locality as well."

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8. Birthday gift

Antonio said to his friend Pelu, "When is your birthday?"

Pelu replied, "Why do you want to know?"

Antonio said, "I want to gift curtains for your room."

Pelu was surprised and asked, "Why curtains?"

Antonio replied, "Because I am tired of watching you having s*x with your wife."

Pelu said, "Cool. And I would like to gift you binoculars for your birthday."

It was Antonio's turn to be surprised and he asked, "Why is that?"

Pelu replied, "Because I want you to figure out whose wife it is. By the way, have you tried to find

the whereabouts of your wife when you watch my bedroom?"

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9. Gone!

Jack was doing push-ups in the park when Bubba, still drunk from partying all night, staggered next to

him and said, "Dude, you can stop now. The woman under you seems to have gone."




10. Taking bath

Joejoe said to his friend Marlon, "I saw your wife while taking bath."

Marlon went red with anger and screamed, "You dog, I will kill you!"

Joejoe said, "Calm down! I was the one taking bath."

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11. Strength and Weakness

Dan : What's your biggest strength?

Bubba: My wife!

Dan : And what is your biggest weakness?

Bubba: Other people's wives!

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12. Musical evening

Tina saw her boyfriend Tom lying on the bed and reading messages on his mobile. She climbed on top of

him and started slapping his behind.

Tom said, "And what exactly do you think you are doing?"

Tina replied, "I am playing the drums with my hands."

Tom said, "Would you be interested in playing the flute?"

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13. Heated argument

Cynthia was having a heated argument with her husband Roger. Cynthia said, "I will put up a sign above

our bed saying 'MY HUSBAND IS A JERK!'. The whole neighbourhood would come to know about it."

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14. How many?

The Gynac was having a good look at Rocio. He asked, "How many men did you had physical intimacy with?"

Rocio replied, "Umm...maybe 4 or 5."

The doctor said, "Ok, that's not too many."

Rocio agreed and said, "Yes, that wasn't my best week."

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15. Argument 

Little Tommy had an argument with little Lily about which gender is better. Tommy said that boys are

much better than girls while Lily said girls are better than boys. The argument reached a level where

they were almost on the verge of hitting each other. Little Tommy unzipped his shorts, pulling out his

little yo-yo and waving it at her, said, "I have this. Can you ever think of having one of these?"

This upset Little Lily so much that he ran home sobbing. In just 10 minutes, she returned with a big

grin on her face.

Little Tommy asked, "What makes you so happy?"

Little Lily pulled down her knickers and replied, "My Mom said with what I possess, I can have any

amount of those that you have!"

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16. Fit of rage

Tina came home late from work and headed for the bedroom. She noticed two pairs of legs from under the

sheets. Not thinking for a moment, she ran into a fit of rage and started hitting the sheets with a

rod. After having clubbed the sheets till she ran out of breath, she went to the refrigerator to drink

some cold water. Just then she noticed the front door open and her husband Joe walk in.

Shocked, Tina said, "Joe, what are you doing here? Who is in the bedroom?"

Joe replied, "Oh, your parents dropped in unannounced. I asked them to rest in our bedroom. Have you

met them yet?"

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17. Confessions

Harry and Laura were planning to get married. One week before the wedding, Laura asked Harry to meet

him at a coffee shop. When they met, Laura said, "Look Harry, the reason that I have never made love

to you is that I am very flat on the top and therefore, have always shied away. If you think that

could be a problem with you, you can call off the wedding and I will understand."

Harry thought for a moment and said, "Laura, I have no problems with your knockers being flat. There

are other important things in a relationship."

Laura smiled and gave him a hug. After a while, Harry said to her hesitatingly, "Listen Laura, I also

have something to share with you. My tool is like a baby. Should you choose not to go ahead with the

marriage, I will understand."

Laura thought about it and said, "That's ok. Harry. As you said, there are more important things than

our carnal desires."

They were both pleased that they had not hidden anything from each other, and went ahead with the

wedding with a clear consious. All went well and it was time to consummate their marriage. Laura took

off her wedding gown and Harry noticed she was so flat, there was nothing up there. It was his turn to

get undressed, so Harry pulled down his pants. One look at him, and Laura lost her consciousness and

fell to the ground.

When she came about, Harry asked her, "What happened? I had warned you before, had I not? Then why did

you faint?"

Laura replied, "Yes, but you told me your tool is like a baby."

Harry said, "Sure I said that, 4 Kilograms and 18 inches."

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18. The appointment 

Dorothy had scheduled an appointment with the Gynecologist Dr. Zivago's on Friday afternoon. She got a

call from the doctor's clinic saying that her appointment had been rescheduled and she was required to

drop in earlier at 10:15 am. She had just finished her morning chores and had sent the husband to

office and her daughter to school. It was already 9 am and the commute to the gynecologist's office

would take half an hour. So she had limited time to prepare herself. Being extra conscious about

hygiene, Dorothy would always prepare herself very meticulously for such appointments. With limited

time, Dorothy knew that she would not be able to be totally prepared this time. So she ran into the

bathroom, took off her clothes, and gave herself a wash with the wet flannel just to be sure that the

doctor is not repulsed in any way. Once done, she threw the flannel in the used clothes rack, dressed

herself and drove down to the gynecologist's clinic. She was called into his cabin at the scheduled

time. She climbed the table and looked away. She was a little taken aback when the doctor exclaimed,

"Wow...there seems to have been some extra care taken this morning!" Not knowing what to make of it,

Dorothy went through the process patiently and was relieved once it was over.

Back home, she went about her daily routine and waited for her husband and daughter to return. At 8 in

the evening, she heard her daughter shout from the bathroom, "Mom, I can't find my flannel.I am

getting late for my dance class." Dorothy asked her to get another one. "No, I need the same one that

I kept here in the morning", said the daughter, "I had put glitter in it."

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19. Daughter

Alex came home from work only to find his wife Amanda crying hysterically. Surprised to see her

like this, Alex asked, "What's wrong my love?"

Still sobbing, Amanda replied, "I was cleaning our daughter's room today and you will not believe what

are the things I found there. There were hand-cuffs, a whip, dirty magazines and a lot of other stuff.

Oh God, Alex, what should we do now?"

Alex said, "I suppose spanking would not be a good idea."